4 basic types of chain letters
Chain Letter Type 1:
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP, DAMMIT!!!!
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to
make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of
all, if you don't send this to a certain number of
people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a
mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a
pile of manure. It's true! Because, you know, THIS
letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is
TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes.
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
20 to 674, 951 1/2 people: 20 to 674, 951 1/2 people
will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid
chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see,
there is a starving little boy in
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
parents, and no willie. This little boy's life could
be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a
dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless
Armless Willieless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen
Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters
sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out.
Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and
a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence
since 1897. This is absolutely incredible becuase
there was no email then and probably not as many
bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So
this is how it works. Pass this on to 1-5067 people in
the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen
to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on
Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and
ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over
a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she
died.This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in
his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by
a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing
that way). They both died and went to hell. They
continued to suffer in hell where they were both
cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
This Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did.
Just send this letter to all of your loser friends,
and everything will be Ok.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it
to every one of your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you
smell like shit,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're
disgustingly ugly,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've
soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while
you cry about your loser life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when
they really think you should be raped by a mad goat
and then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums
and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak
much English, no sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain
letters because he wants his wish of his crush sucking
his schlong him to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you
in your sleep!!
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four
main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In
order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If
you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but
otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!!
If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this
around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks!
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a
chain letter, ignore it. If it's a joke or something,
send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people feel
guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda
Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of shit) just
delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in
the world, and say "#$@!%#^! CHAIN LETTERS!!"
Alfonson Merkin has had enough
Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from
rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams,
lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and
executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by
people who actually believe that if you send them,
that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer
brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes
smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took
pornographic pictures of her for use on their child
pornography web site will get 6 fucking cents every
time you send the letter.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to
give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000?
How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I
scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid
by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What
a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a
big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have
nothing better to do than to send me stupid forwards.
Maybe the evil chainletter leprechauns will come into
my dorm room and sodomize me in my sleep for not
continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5
A.D. and was brought to this country by midget
pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the
year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
stupidity. Fuck them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send
something mildly amusing. No more fucking snowball
fights, parachuting cows or fucking drunken frog
fights! I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your
closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a
human being will somehow receive a nickel from some
omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
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