WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that
was good enough for us.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
roads without having their motives called into question.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you
people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken
was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the
"other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you
eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott
all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases
like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross
the road. It's as plain and simple as that.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the
behest of the President of the United States of America in
an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the
American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest
elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result,
the chicken is just another pawn in the President's ongoing
and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine
the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer
the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates
fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will
not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our
investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations
have been completed. (We also are investigating whether
Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry
Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to
discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or
at least to ruffle his feathers.)
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only crosses
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an
inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you
mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him
and keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto
the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken
crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
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